The self-improvement journey is exciting but also one that is fraught with challenges. There will be amazing highs and likely more than a few lows that may make us question ourselves. This is why the process requires constant review, progress assessments and a steadfast dedication to our ultimate goal – your vision, or as many call it, your “why”.
One of the keys to long-term success is developing momentum, which has two components that need to be managed.
The first is using positive forward momentum to generate more momentum. This is the success rocket-fuel! Celebrate small victories modestly and then refocus to ensure we don’t get complacent.
Hit your target weight? Awesome. Now decide firmly on your next physical task, plan it out and execute.
Got that raise you were pushing for? Fantastic. Plan your next move and start to assess how you can keep adding value to your company.
With this success however, there is the risk that once we hit a goal we sit back, tick that box as done and lose sight of the bigger objectives we’ve set for ourselves. If we do this we allow all of that forward momentum to stop. This is a nice challenge to have to face as it means you’ve had some wins to build from, but can be an impediment to continued success if we let it.
The second part, which is where I want to focus here, is harder. It’s the way we handle failure, a setback, or that curve-ball life inevitably throws at us. Maybe we missed a goal, screwed up a relationship, or simply fell back into old habits.
We need to own our failures and not make excuses. We need to do an honest, no BS assessment of what happened and how we can learn from it so it doesn’t happen again.
What is doesn’t mean however is that we should engage in negative self-talk or put ourselves down. I hear so many people say to themselves “I suck so much at that”, “I’m so lazy – that’s why I failed” or “I’m such a loser and so stupid. I’m not meant to be successful”.
Many feel this is how you own a situation or that this type of “being real” is necessary. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.
It’s making excuses and self-abuse.
This type of toxic negative self-talk obliterates momentum, self-confidence and knocks you so far off the rails that you pretty much need to start over rather than being able to pick up where you left off, pivot, and regain forward momentum.
If you find yourself facing a failure (and be honest, we all do!), review the situation and identify what contributed most profoundly to where you find yourself now and what you’d do differently next time.
Just as importantly, make note of what you did well.
Sometimes even just acknowledging that things are going badly and that it requires you to step back is a win worth noting as it represents strong situational awareness. Determine what type of changes are needed to maximize the potential for future success and get back on that horse.
If you reached out to a trusted mentor and asked for feedback after a set-back, how would you respond if they simply said: “well man, you’re pretty dumb and lazy so don’t be surprised you failed – and better yet, best not even bother to try again”. My guess is you’d likely take a swing at them. So why do we do it to ourselves, over and over again?
Everyone has such amazing potential to succeed. We all have our strengths and yes, we have weaknesses. The tool that enables us to maximize those strengths and minimize the impact the weaknesses can have is our mindset.
Don’t give those negative thoughts the power over you or your success.
If you find yourself engaging in this type of negative self-talk, acknowledge it for what it is and shut it down. If you aren’t sure if what you’re thinking is toxic, ask if you would speak that way to a loved one? If the answer is no, chances are you’re just beating yourself up and not actually contributing to your future success. Before long you’ll find that failures are simply opportunities to learn and will no longer impact your forward momentum for very long. Once you erase that toxic self-talk from your life, you’ll build confidence and will keep that momentum going. As it starts to pick up speed you’ll be unstoppable, and that’s where the real profound success comes from.